Friday, November 30, 2007 . 8:42 PM

FUCK!! SCREW THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD. SCREW THE WHOLE DAMN UNIVERSE. SCREW EVERYTHING. ITS THE 30TH OF NOVEMBER ON A FRIDAY AND I HAVE TWO VOUCHERS FOR STARBUCKS AND ALL I WANT TO FUCKING DO IS SPEND A QUIET EVENING AT UNITED SQUARE'S STARBUCKS DRINKING NICE COFFEE WITH MY BEST GUY FRIENDS TO HAVE A QUIET CELEBRATION OF MY 18TH BIRTHDAY BUT THAT CAN'T EVEN FUCKING HAPPEN. NO IT CAN'T!! BECAUSE THINGS LIKE THIS DON'T HAPPEN FOR ME. PEOPLE LIKE ME ARE INSIGNIFICANT, PUNY, IRRITATING LITTLE MAGGOTS WHO ARE INVISIBLE TO THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD.

I CALLED LEE HUA 5 GOD-DAMMNED DAYS BEFORE AND ALL HE CAN SAY IS HE'S BUSY BUSY BUSY. I TELL HIM TO TRY TO MAKE TIME AND SMS ME WHEN HE CAN MAKE IT BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO: HE CAN'T EVEN BE FUCKING BOTHERED TO SMS ME THAT HE REALLY CAN'T MAKE IT. THATS JUST NUMBER ONE.

NUMBER TWO: I CALL KIFF TO ASK HIM OUT TO STARBUCKS TONIGHT. BUT AS ALWAYS AND FOREVER HE'S FRIGGING BUSY. BUSY BUSY BUSY. PROJECT PROJECT PROJECT. HIS WHOLE DAMN LIFE PROJECTS AND SCHOOL AND CCAS. GET A GOD-DAMN LIFE MAN!! YOU WON'T BE A HOT SHOT PILOT OR SOME CRACKING CEO JUST BY GETTING STRAIGHT A'S AND A FLAWLESS CCA RECORD. YOU CAN BE SO NAIVE SOMETIMES. I WISH I COULD JUST PUT MY BRAIN IN YOUR HEAD AND MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORLD. BESIDES THAT, DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS FROM 5N1? LETS NOT EVEN TALK ABOUT 5N1. HOW ABOUT US? THE FIVE OF US? IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE CLOSER TO YOUR NEW FANGLED TEMASEK FRIENDS THAN REAL FRIENDS WHO'VE KNOWN YOU FOR 6 YEARS. 6 YEARS!!! AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND? HAH! SOMETIMES I DON'T THINK YOU EVEN HAVE ONE. OPEN YOUR EYES. LIFE IS NOT JUST ABOUT BEING GETTING A'S AND HOT JOBS IN SOME STUPID CASINO OR HOTEL AND DEFINITELY NOT ABOUT MAKING A MILLION STUPID DOLLARS BY THE TIME YOU'RE 25.

NUMBER THREE: I WAS PLANNING TO RAVE AND RANT ABOUT HAZZY BECAUSE WE MADE A DATE EARLIER ALREADY BUT HE DIDN'T CALL TO CONFIRM TONIGHT. I KEPT CALLING CALLING HIM BUT HIS PHONE WAS SWITCHED OFF. FINALLY HE CALLED ME BACK 5 MINS AGO AND IT TURNS OUT HIS PHONE WAS FLAT. FINE. I FORGIVE HIM.

NUMBER FOUR: I WAS ABOUT TO CALL KAR HO OUT BUT I JUST REALISED THAT I DIDN'T KNOW HIS SCHEDULE VERY WELL. IT JUST GOES TO SHOW THAT I DON'T KNOW HIM 100% EITHER. AND I PLAN ON GETTING TO KNOW HIM BETTER FROM NOW ON.

LIKE I SAID. SCREW THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD. I DON'T THINK ANYBODY CARES ABOUT ME OTHER THAN MYSELF AND HAZZY AND SAM. FUCK ALL OF YOU OUT THERE. I DON'T THING ANYONE ELSE REALISES HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT MY FRIENDS. NOT ALL MY FRIENDS. MY BEST FRIENDS. BEST FRIENDS. I THINK I CARE ABOUT YOU PEOPLE MORE THAN I CARE FOR MY FAMILY. IN FACT, I TREAT YOU LIKE MY FAMILY. I BET NONE OF YOU KNOW THAT.

SCREW THIS 18TH MINI CELEBRATION. ME AND HAZZY ARE GONNA ENJOY OURSELVES. ME AND HIM. BROTHERS. 2 DAYS APART.

P.S: I still love you guys Sam & Kar Ho & Hazzy & Xin Yi. Hope no one else reads this other than you.

Sunday, November 25, 2007 . 6:17 PM

Okay...pretty uneventful week for me...all quiet in my life...just low profiled and slow moving.Sigh. On Thursday's street soccer league matches, I scored my debut goal with a simple turn and shoot. Quick kick in by What's-his-name-from-China and I was standing outside the "D". Ball came, brought foot back, turned, and shot: Top left corner. Kinda proud of myself because I rarely score goals. I'm mostly defending or supporting other players. Bah. As it stands, my Yellow team are third in the league with Green leading and Blue in 2nd place.

I saw Joanne again in CATS class. Cute as ever, but of course she never even glanced in my direction. Oh well, Sam's taught me alot of things and I'm putting them to use. I'll be patient and go slooooooow. Really slow.

Common tests are coming up in a couple of weeks and the stupid online student service still hasn't put up the timetables for it. How am I supposed to plan my revision like that? Retarded Ngee Ann. Oh, and I just remembered that my GPA for semester 1 should jump from 1.96 to 2.75 if my calculations are correct. Kinda hoping that my summer school exam results for Maths would be at least a B.

Family (father, mother, gay brother) are going off to Barcelona for the annual holiday. Damn it. I wouldn't mind visiting F.C.B if I had the chance. Argh...wasted opportunity. Oh well, I guess there's always next year's trip to Moscow. While they're all having fun in Spain I'm stuck in my grandma's house at Holland Road and mugging for my common test. Jeez. Long story why I'll be there but here's the info: I'll be there from the 5th of Dec to around the 15th. I'll be bored to death and stuck with my maid, my grandma and my Canadian Aunt. I'll be really glad if someone visited me during my stay. T.T

Tomorrow I'll be heading down to Gramophone at Capitol Center (Next to City Hall MRT) to get my Friends DVD Box Set. Wooooooohoooooooooo!! I've been waiting like forever to get my hands on that. I'll probably be like one of the few in Singapore who owns that set. Yay!!

By the way, I've really settled my mind about Qian Hui: A bitch. She really is one. Ever since she rejected me I've never initiated form of communication with her. But whenever I bump into her along the corridor or something she keeps talking to me and all I say is "Uh. Yeah. Ok. Nice." And when we're too far away to speak, but near enough to notice each other, she'll give me this flirty smile. I try to ignore her but occasionally I respond with a sarcastic half-smile.

Anyway, thats all for the week. Looking forward to Christmas for the first time in 5 years. Thanks Sam =)

Friday, November 16, 2007 . 6:30 AM

"When you come back, I won't be here"
She said, and gently pulled me near
"If you wanna talk, give me a call"
And no, its not your fault"

I just smiled and said "Let go of me"
Now there's somethin', I just gotta know
Did someone else steal my part?
She said, "Its not your fault"

Then my heart did time in Siberia
Was waitin' for the lie to come true
'Cause its all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too

I was driftin' in between, like I was
On the outside lookin' in,
In my dreams, you are still here
Like you've always been

Then my heart did time in Siberia
Was waitin' for the lie to come true
'Cause its all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too

I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though, I was sleepin' in your bed
'Cause there was someone else on your mind
And in your head

When I came back, she wasn't there
Just a note left on the stairs
"If you wanna talk, give me a call"




You bitch.

Thursday, November 15, 2007 . 9:01 PM

My love,
There's only you in my life,
The only thing that's right,

My first love,
You're every breath that I take,
You're every step I make,

And I,
I want to share,
All my love with you,
No one else will do,
And your eyes,
They tell me how much you care,
Oh, yes you will always be,
My endless love,

Two hearts,
Two hearts beat as one,
Our lives had just begun,
Forever,
I'll hold you close in your arms,
I can't resist your charms,

And love,
I'll be a fool for you,
I'm sure,
You know I don't mind,
You know I don't mind,

'Cause you,
You mean the world to me
Oh, I know,
I know I found you,
My endless love,

Oh,
And love,
I'll be that fool for you,
I'm sure,
You know I don't mind,
You know I don't mind,
And yes,
You'll be the only one,
'cause no one can't deny,
This love I have inside,
And I'll give it all to you,
My love,
My endless love...




I'm still pissed at you for what you did to me. I can never forget what you did.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007 . 7:13 PM

LINKIN PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!! YEAH!! I'm screaming out here cause I have no voice left from last night's concert. ROFL. It was one of the cooooooolest things I've been too. The whole thing was absolutely amazing; the band, the pushing and the shoving from the Ang Moh's , the atmosphere, and not to mention the constant grinding. Heeheeheehee....just try to leave out the parts where I accidentally get grinded by some guy. Kar Ho's okay though. He's a good grinder. LMAO.

The ticket said 8pm, Sam & KH with her friends started queuing at 10am to get a good spot, cause we had free standing tickets at the mosh pit. I joined them after my morning class at around 2pm, and my very presence prompted security to let the queue get into the shade further into the building. I must look like some important VIP or something. Anyway, we waited and got bored until around 6pm when things started getting interesting: had several false alarms about getting into the stadium, and getting pissed at people who couldn't be bothered to queue early but came late and just cut the queue with their stupid Thai, China or Vietnamese friends. Assholes.

We had out tickets torn and wrists tagged at around 7, and we were finally allowed in at around 7.10. We ran like mad people, racing to the front of the stage to try and grab hold of the barricades. We managed to get the 2nd row though. Stupid Thai, China, Vietnamese assholes. So many of them cutting the queue and blocking us.

We stood there impatiently until 9 when the show finally started, and in my opinion, this particular rock concert had the best opening in the whole world. They started off by playing Wake from Minutes To Midnight but with this silver curtain thing still covering the stage. The lights went off and the stage lights came on, projecting the band's silhouettes onto the silver curtain. It was like that for the whole of Wake; which is about 30 seconds long, then they smoothly transited to Given Up (second track of Minutes To Midnight; Wake is the first track). When Wake ended with a bang, the curtain came down in the coolest manner I've ever seen, and the band started playing Given Up. Thats not all; a few seconds into Given Up, there was a part where the tempo of the song increased, and this huge screen behind them came on, showing short clips. That was fantastically cool too. The lighting on the stage was 10/10 as well. The band looked as if they were doing their first concert. Chester was screaming his lungs out, Mike was rapping away, Brad and Phoenix were strumming away, Rob was hitting so hard on the drums, and Mr Hahn was oh so cool DJ-ing away at the back.

The whole thing was a fantastic experience. Worth every of my 150 dollars spent.
Rock on Linkin Park!!

Sunday, November 11, 2007 . 11:54 AM

This week's been quite normal...I had my first absenteed class on Monday cause I woke up late...lol..forgot to turn on my alarm...Electronics is a real ditsy. Its so freaking complicated with graphs and circuits and stuff. Not a good thing when my common tests are coming in December. I'm gonna force myself to stay behind in school to study almost everyday. I want to wipe those smirks from Geek Marcus and Good - Two - Shoes Frank. Its just humiliating to lose out to a 16 year old "Peh Hor" who looks like he's in Primary school and an ITE graduate. Not that I have anything against pre-matured boys or ITE graduates but I so rarely lose out in these sort of situations. I would be delirious with ecstasy if I had the highest GPA in class. Yuck. I sound geeky now.

Have a lot of work this weekend. MOL, Maths tutorial 2 and study for Mechanics quiz. Sigh...I find that giving us MOL and tuorials really stupid. Its just repeating the homework offline and online.

Hung out at KH's place last night with Sam, Xin Yi and Kiff. Had a ball of a time playing Halo, Marvel Ultimate Alliance and watching Kung Fu videos on National Geographic. Not to mention pausing to make a prank call on one of Xin Yi's bullies. The guy was really pushing it when he sent her that SMS; something about being her father and all. When Kiff called back with his private number and hurled vulgarities and threats back at him, the guy was all sissy and wimpy. Hahahahahahaahaha...He even said sorry to Kiff when Kiff made him. Wahahahahaha....It was really really hilarious. We decided that if any of Xin Yi's bullies did something like that again, it would be my turn to talk. Weeeee!! So exciting to outdo Kiff in this game. LOL.

I've got a new crush. Not something new to people who know me well. I'm always having crushes. Its my nature to keep having new crushes. I think I've gone psychotic; I've only seen her for 3 lessons, and I've never spoken to her before. Yet, I found out her full name, her student number, where she lives, her birthday and that she's has a twin for a brother. I think I'm slowly regressing into a desperate, obsessive state of mind. That simply means I need help. This is definitely not normal for someone. Sigh... I've been instructed to wait and be patient; but sometimes it just feels too long. The only reason I'm restraining myself from being a crazy desperado is because I trust my instructor more than I trust myself. I think thats a good comparison. lol.

Still pondering on whether to watch the Man U - Blackburn match at 11pm tonight. I hate it when my EQ and IQ clashes. I'm surprisingly excellent at both, yet 90% of the time both of them try to show me which is better to follow. To those that are only dominant on one side of the brain, you have no idea how difficult it is to make decisions between EQ and IQ and Left brain and Right brain. Emotions and logic are two very powerful things which can mess up a person if he doesn't know how to handle them both. I guess having 17 years and 11 months of experience helps.

I'll go watch Friends and play some FIFA Manager for a while before I hit the books. See ya next post!! =)

Friday, November 2, 2007 . 6:48 PM

Example of a typical pathetic day: I owed Lee Hua a lunch because he got a GPA of 3.5 and higher. I took him out to Plaza Singapura Cafe Cartel at an odd time: 4pm. Either a very late lunch or a very early dinner. He had the famous ribs and I had Oxtail stew. We left the place slightly after 5pm and headed for the bus stop. Half way there, there a couple of very cute girls standing together. Lee Hua was busy thinking aloud on whether to take the bus or MRT. I heard nothing and continued to walk and gawk at the girls. I Stumbled over a few steps and as I passed them I continued staring. Suddenly the shorter girl caught my eye and came up towards me. I swear I had a mini heart attack; my heart rate would have gone off the charts.

Shorter cute girl: Hi, could you donate to (some charity for broken families) by buying a pen for $2? All I need is a dollar from each of you. *smiles*

Me: Uhhh...Hua...aggablaba...she...one dollar...ababapapa.... *continues to gawk*

Lee Hua: Here's $2.

Shorter cute girl: Thank You! *smiles*

Lee Hua: You're welcome.

Me: Ah....no pworwem (no problem)...bababyebye... *still staring*

The girl smiles at me again before walking back to her friend. Lee Hua was dragging me to the bus stop. Once they were out of sight, I felt retarded and embarrassed. I was so sad and hopeless.

I just want to die and fade away quietly from the face of the earth. I'm non existent to all girls.