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Friday, June 13, 2008 . 7:50 PM

Its been so long, and I still haven't found the answer. Do I wait some more for something to happen or do I go out there and try to make something happen? Or is it still too early for me? I'm so confused. I'm not actively plagued by this but its not sitting quietly at the back of my mind either.

For over a year I haven't done anything to try to make something happen. I've been patient and I've waited. Nothing happened. Not even close. I feel like I'm on my toes, teetering on the edge of a knife, trying to stay alive. On one side is what I've been looking for: Something I yearn for, something I feel like I cannot live without. On the other side is a bubbling pit of testerones, all of which are telling me I don't need any of that crap, and that I can do anything without it. I feel so tired, confused and exasperated with the two sides who are constantly yelling out fresh reasons on why I should pick them. I'm exhausted and I want to sit down and rest but I can't; because if I do, the razor sharp Blade of Insecurity will just cut me in half.

Just another classic battle between heart and head.


Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely ... never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?
'cause I love you ... just the way you look tonight.