Thursday, April 23, 2009 . 4:00 PM

To that special YOU:

I just got back from school, showered right away, sat down at my desk and started typing this.

I want you to know that my previous post was not about you doing anything to hurt me in any way. It was about me not being able to cope with things that have to do with my heart and my emotions. Like I said earlier, Kee Kee has been comparing me with your ex for quite some time while we were working together. I never took anything he said seriously but when he told me that your ex was trying to get back together with you I started to worry.

Was I worried? I was. I definitely thought that I didn't stand a chance especially with someone you've been with before. But I was a lot more worried about you. I was worried about what might happen to you if another guy became involved. Will you be confused or sad or guilty? I didn't know how you would feel and I didn't know if you were willing to give your ex another chance.

I was feeling quite horrible. I couldn't sleep well for a couple of nights and I kept thinking about it. But after the first couple of times we spent time together and you told me you enjoyed it, I started to tell myself that I should fight for my chance. This is what I meant by "It hurts to go through a huge volley of emotions in 24 hours.". It basically meant that my emotions were going up and down like a roller coaster and it was hurting me. It's not your fault at all...it's just me and my insecurity.

There's one thing I want you to be perfectly clear about: You are not a passing fling. I really like everything about you, just the way you are. I meant everything that I've said and everything that I've done. I enjoy every single moment with you whether it's at work or outside!!

I'm sorry if you don't understand my blog but please don't feel bad about it. When I'm alone I tend to use words that most people don't understand. Most of my posts are actually me talking to myself. (Don't laugh!!). I didn't realise that you felt so strongly about this and I promise to change the way I write/type.

You've said before that the both of us are quite different from each other and that's true. I'm not denying it or hiding from it. If we really enjoy spending time with each other, why should we stop because we're different from each other? We've only known each for a short period of time but I'm really looking forward to us spending more time with each other. I want to spend more time with you and learn everything about you.

I want to know what your favourite foods and drinks are. I want to know what you like to watch on TV when you're at home alone late at night. I want to know your likes and dislikes. I want to know what makes you happy and what makes you sad (so I can avoid those things!). I want to know what makes you giggle like a little girl. I want to know what makes you smile and your toes curl.

I'm sorry that you've been spending so much effort trying to understand me and it doesn't work. I want you to know that we can always talk whenever you want to. You can call me or I can call you if you want to. Any day, any time, any where. If there is ever anything that you don't understand, don't be afraid to ask me. I will never turn you down or hide anything from you.

I think that's about all there is to say so far...I wanted to talk to you face to face but since I promised you last night that I wouldn't go down to OYP, this is the next best thing I could think of. If there's anything more you want to talk about, call me!!

P.S: My class waited 2 hours for that stupid lecturer and in the end we gave up and just went home. Imagine if we waited for the whole 5 hours for him!!

P.P.S: You are Esther Tan Yue Ling. You will never be a burden in my eyes.